A Tactical Retreat

17 Feb

This week I am writing to you from the very comfy armchair in my Mum and Dad’s living room.

Last week I made a tactical retreat, leaving the stress and uncertainty of our on again off again flat sale in London behind and made the 130 mile journey north to my parents’ house in Lincolnshire.

My sleep had been deteriorating over the last few weeks, taking forever to drift off at night due to all the stress and thoughts, about our house move falling through, swirling around in my head. It came to breaking point last Tuesday night when, having gone to bed at 9.30 pm exhausted, I was still wide awake at midnight. I couldn’t stop crying, I was so tight, stressed and wound up. The whole ‘the move is not worth destroying my health over’ had been forgotten, I was so stressed out I couldn’t see that. I couldn’t see anything. After a couple of hours of watching Brothers and Sisters (through tears and swirling thoughts) I think I eventually fell asleep around 3 am. I spent Wednesday curled up on the sofa feeling like I had been hit by a bus / jet lagged / completely undone.

My emotional state and sleep are fairly good indicators of how my body is health wise. They always have been. They’re the first things to disintegrate when my ME/CFS starts to worsen. My myalgia was spiking as well. Little things, like washing up or typingΒ an email, things that don’t usually trigger pain anymore, were/are bringing on that burning, heavy, aching pain in my arms. My elbows hurt and forearms are burning. The vertebrae in my neck hurt and my shoulders feel like that have ten ton weights on them. Although the pain is not anywhere near as acute or persistent as it once was (thank you Lightning Process), the fact that it is there at a level that makes me stop and acknowledge it is cause for concern. Hence the need to remove myself from the scene of stress, so to speak, and vacate our flat for the more tranquil air of Lincolnshire.

It felt a bit pathetic to need to take action. It felt very lame that the stress of the house move had got to me so badly, especially when Mr B seems oblivious to it all. But as my Dad reminded me, selling houses and moving are one of the most stressful things people do and even ‘normal’ people, people without nervous system affecting illnesses, would be affected by this so I am trying to be kind to myself. Hence, being at my parents.

I’m trying to keep myself distracted with wedding prep, yoga and of course meditation. I’m still doing my Headspace practice each morning and trying to take a step back and do the Lightning Process when I find myself caught up in the frenzy of stress. The joy of email and smart phones means the lawyers and estate agents are never far away. It’s hard to step back but it is necessary. Very necessary.

And as my Mum said when I arrived, come in and let everything fall away. How is it that returning to our childhood homes is like sinking into a warm bubble bath? Ahhhh bliss. Perhaps I should drop my smart phone into the bubbles and let the estate agent and lawyer emails float away πŸ˜‰


16 Responses to “A Tactical Retreat”

  1. Emma (The Sparkly Fairy) February 17, 2015 at 9:04 am #

    Love reading your updates – as an M.E sufferer myself I know what stress can do! Try and relax – there is nothing like being looked after by Mum!

    • myjourneythrume February 17, 2015 at 9:08 am #

      Thank you for reading! Mums are magic aren’t they?! 😊

  2. Linda Goodman February 17, 2015 at 2:31 pm #

    I am so glad you have such lovely parents. What a precious gift.

    • myjourneythrume February 17, 2015 at 2:34 pm #

      Me too. I know I’m lucky. Thank you for reading and commenting.

  3. Jackie February 18, 2015 at 5:01 am #

    I’m so happy you recognized the stress was causing issues before it got even worse. It was brave of you to admit it and choose to take a retreat. Smart lady!! Your parents sound great.

    • myjourneythrume February 18, 2015 at 4:41 pm #

      Awh thanks Jackie. It was a smart move, just didn’t feel so at the time! Thank goodness for great parents, I’d be in a world of trouble without them.

  4. thehomeschoolingdoctor February 18, 2015 at 11:03 am #

    Give your mom the phone and tell her she is not to let you have it back for 24 hours unless there’s an emergency. (My phone got lost around Christmas, and I actually enjoyed it A LOT.) πŸ™‚ Hope you’re moving back to your new baseline of wellness with a visit to home. Hugs.

    • myjourneythrume February 18, 2015 at 4:42 pm #

      I think I would enjoy being phone-less too! Thank you for the hugs! I need them 😊

  5. Katherine February 19, 2015 at 2:02 am #

    Hey Jess, I made a tactical retreat last week myself! Great timing. I’m finally back online although not ready to write anything. Hope to see you back soon πŸ™‚

    • myjourneythrume February 19, 2015 at 8:09 am #

      Glad I’m not the only one having to step back! But hope you are okay 😊

  6. Sophie33 March 3, 2015 at 9:52 am #

    I hope you are now a bit more relaxed ! xxx Hugs!


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